Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job
Who should read:
- Anyone dealing with people with personality disorders
Our favorite ideas from the
book:
Where does the word “Narcissist” Come from?
In Greek Mythology Narcissus was a handsome young man who spurned the love of a Nymph named Echo. This so angered Aphrodite that she cast a spell on him so that he would fall in love with his own reflection. He died of longing for himself.
The Narcissistic at Work:
Narcissists do not behave in a rational or cooperative manner.The Narcissist is at first likable and easy to hire…makes a good first impression… they may have over developed behaviors that make them look good to bosses…hard workers, leaders and even “Idea People” and since they are competitive they will fight hard to win….but they want to win only for their own needs and not the needs of your company.
One of the problems with hiring a Narcissist is that later on they become rude, abrupt and work and act without gratitude. A Narcissist sees himself as a leader and believes he/she has unusual qualities and talents. A narcissist usually has an overblown sense of self importance…exaggerating his own successes. He/She believes that he is special and should only associate with other high status people. He requires excessive admiration and knows how to take advantage of people for his own needs.
A narcissist needs always come first….you are expected to be concerned about his/her needs but will not receive concern from him regarding yours. A narcissist almost always lacks sympathy and empathy. He expects everyone to follow his ideas to the letter even though these ideas have proven to not work. And when they don’t work it is not his fault but those subordinates who he’ll say didn’t implement well and fail to see his big picture. Beware of his /her temper tantrums…often there is shouting and even verbally abusing the poor employee involved.
The Narcissistic Boss:
Usually one would view an administrator as a person with experience, achievement and therefore self esteem. But a narcissist administrator is quite the opposite and may be one of the most difficult to work for. The Narcissist once to be “King” and has little regard for those who work for him.
How to spot a Narcissistic Boss
• He may require you to work long irregular hours not giving any thought that you may have a life outside of work. In fact he may never talk to you about your life outside of work.
• He may require you to come up with Brilliant ideas and then take the credit for them
• When he/she asks for feedback it’s only admiration they want..no criticism
• He will exploit you and not show you any loyalty
• He thinks nothing of canceling last minute meetings with you but will throw a tantrum if you cancel on him
• He will rarely compliment you on your work
• Uses power inappropriately: Sexual harassment, verbal abuse
• Has no empathy and feels he/she is above the rules.
• May berate and make fun of others to get attention
How to work for a narcissist.
• Don’t take anything personally!!!
• Realize you cannot change a person like this
• Compliment him or her
• Keep records of inappropriate comments and work with the HR department.
• Keep your ideas written down and keep a paper trail so you can get the credit for a job well done.
• Look for a new job!
Organizations can become narcissistic. Look at the behavior of some of the banks recently who used Gov bail out money and then through lavish parties for their employees and clients. These organizations saw nothing wrong with this because they felt they were superior to the common tax payer and had an illusion of entitlement. Narcissistic CEO’s may restructure and fire half of their work force yet continue to accept multi million dollar bonuses because they see themselves as deserving and special. The rules apply to everyone else except them.
Work relations can be hard enough without dealing with a narcissistic personality.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Alan A. Cavaiola, PH.D., is a Licensed Psychologist and Assistant Professor in the Psychology Department at Monmouth University in Long Branch, New Jersey.
Neil J. Lavendar, PH.D., is a Psychologist in private practice in Toms River, New Jersey, and a Professor of Psychology at Ocean County College.
ABOUT THE BOOK:
Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on
the Job
Author: Alan A., Ph.D.
Cavaiola and Neil J. Lavender
207 pages Publisher: New Harbinger Publications ISBN: 978-1572242197
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